A short blog on the positive pattern I've seen over the years with couples who need couples counseling in certain arenas of their relationship, but have a sex interaction that while not ideal, they like each other enough to schedule sexytime if given a fresh new direction.
The pattern is a couple begins their first session wondering if they're ready for this and I say to just do it and for the moment, put the past and the baggage aside to give the new approach and material a chance. By the end of every one of these sessions, they're both smiling, excited to try our the sexy new skills, and thanking me very much for the session-- the ending being much warmer and spicier than the start.
I start almost every session by asking specifics on what they're doing during sex and then I coach them on new material to replace what doesn't work and improve what does. The subject stays on the creation of sexual pleasure and optimizing the path to orgasm. When you have a reliable methodology for better sex and orgasms, a lot of the old reasons for baggage evaporates instantly. A good analogy would be: an imaginary couple argues about each other's driving and bemoans having a crappy car; you give them a professional driver in a Bentley and instantly the old arguments are moot.
Sometimes, unexpected improvements happen in the relationship because the sex is better. You have more appreciation for each other, you're having hot fun again (or for the first time) and you'd be surprised at how the relationship as a whole strengthens. So, don't delay the sex life coaching you're thinking about starting because you worry you have to get old baggage handled. The only reason you should delay is if you can't stand one another. That's when it's a good time for marriage counseling.